While in Jamaica I heard a woman ask what kind of birds were standing unbothered on the backs of cattle peppered along the pothole-riddled roadsides. A born and bred local quickly responded it is the egret. He then asked her, “Do you know why the cow lets the bird stay there?” To this she replied, “Because the birds eat the ticks from the cow’s back.” In that moment I was reminded of the cool ways in which nature models teamwork making the dream work. I also acknowledged the importance of asking for support and the value of allowing others to help.
“Do you know why the cow lets the bird stay there?”
What does asking for help have to do with mental wellness? I meet with many clients who are feeling overwhelmed by exhaustion and extreme levels of stress. After a few sessions they are shocked to learn this immobilizing anxiety is rooted in the inability to ask for help. It’s hard to move confidently toward tasks when you feel no one has your back like the egret has the back of the cow.
The cow is undeniably a sturdy animal capable of bearing the weight of a few minuscule ticks. But when those ticks add up, as they invite their tick cousins and friends to the back of the milk-making beast, a few quickly multiply to a few hundred. Then a few thousand or even more. If the cow refuses the assistance of the egret she would be covered in ticks and struggling from the diseases they carry. Eventually the cow will buckle at the knees and fall to illness due to carrying the weight of too many little problems.
Many people could avoid work-life imbalances and more easily manage other stressors if they would only ask for assistance before getting to the point of actual anxiety.
I do believe standing alone against one or two small challenges a day can be an important exercise in resilience and self-determination. However, it is wise to also practice how to delegate burdens to the willing egrets in your life before your own back breaks under your built-up burdens.
If you’d like insights or assistance with managing stress or anxiety, contact us at tanyikamoorehealingarts.com for a consultation or referral.
By: Tanyika “Tann” Moore, LMFT
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