If we can accept that orange is the new black and thirty is the new twenty, then ponder another new unexpected comparison. We often hear nervous and anxious used interchangeably, but in my most recent observation I’ve discovered that there is a little-known expression of nervousness, anxiety, and fear. The DSM, diagnostic statistical manual of mental disorders, where all things are diagnosed in the mental health world outlines every type of anxiety known to mental wellness professionals. The one you’ll read about here is not listed anywhere in the manual. This is simply my own little sociological observation with over 12 years of experience in the field. My observation is that perfectionism is the new nervous.
Perfectionism is defined as a disposition to regard anything short of perfection (being entirely without fault or defect) as unacceptable. The very thought of this definition is reminiscent of anxiety whilst doubling as a root cause of anxiety. When I looked at some of the symptoms associated with anxiety disorders (nervousness, inability to focus, changes in appetite [whether it be physical hunger, or drive and motivation] hypervigilance and irritability), I discovered perfectionism is also standing on the sidelines waiting to stress you out.
Flaws are what make that situation or person more perfect than perfectionism itself.
A need to give the impression that you have no flaws is connected to a fear that you can’t please others. It is a desire to exist inside a delusion that somehow suggests that you’re without flaws. However, when we further investigate this definition, we find it is linked to anxiety. If a person boasts that they are a perfectionist, my professional suggestion would be for you to run in the other direction as fast as your legs will carry you.
Why? Because no matter what you do, and no matter how hard you try to do it, this partitioner of the perfect will always see your efforts as futile or subpar. This trait commonly creates a sense of “walking on eggshells” in order to protect from anxiety-laden outbursts.
Consider a person that is certain of what they want in life that is later convinced from within their own need for perfection that there is no way to have it – unless it’s exactly the way they’ve imagined it. Friendships, relationships, professional alliances have all been destroyed by this pursuit of perfectionism. Not only because it’s an illusion, but because where there is a need for perfectionism, there is a need to be worried about perceptions and opinions associated with being imperfect. Where there is worry, there exists very little space for possibilities and a little thing called faith.
Guess what happens when you can look at something or someone and decide that what you’re looking at is flawed, and those very flaws are what make that situation or person perfect… your anxiety evaporates.
Whether it be placed on yourself or others, a need for a blemish-free life will thwart peace and harmony. Perfectionism also blocks the opportunity to be present, and to see the beauty of what is happening right now.
If you or someone you know is feeling overwhelmed by their own need to be controlled by perfectionism, contact us at tanyikamoorehealingarts.com for resources and referrals.
By: Tanyika “Tann” Moore, LMFT
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