When we watch romantic comedies and read fairy tales, finding someone you care deeply about is depicted as being a life-altering moment that makes the two lovers suddenly feel complete, filled with purpose and other worldly satisfaction. Not to mention the fact that the love affair is backlit and matched with the perfect symphonic score. Love in these genres makes us want that kind of love and when we finally find that love we’ve been searching for with the one we’ve been seeking we actually feel…terrified.
The ideal lover is frightening for many people because it feels unfamiliar while simultaneously feeling so good. I can’t tell you how many clients quickly move from suffering from the anxiety of “I hope they stay” to the terror of “I hope they don’t leave me.” No one prepares you for the angst of happiness because we are far too busy becoming experts in its pursuit. Many have lost the love they’ve always wanted, acting and reacting from a place of fear of losing the love they have right in front of their faces.
Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.
While trying to understand our fears around love more, we can take a look at fear language and how it is associated with love. Fear language can present itself as:
- Fear of Rejection: the fear that your new love will not like you if you let your guard down and let them get to know all of you.
- Fear of Abandonment: the fear that your established love will walk away after you’ve let them get to know you intimately.
- Fear of Failure: the fear of taking a risk on the love you seek because it may not work.
- Fear of Success: the fear that people will be jealous if you’ve found true love and then you decide to avoid this love or minimize this love so as not to make others uncomfortable.
Who knew getting everything you’ve always wanted could cause you to bite your nails, grind your teeth while sleeping and require therapeutic reinforcement. A word to the wise…while watching those fairytales be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.
If you are in need of tips or help with managing your fears surrounding philophobia, loving others, or love in general contact us at tanyikamoorehealingarts.com for a consultation or referral.
By: Tanyika “Tann” Moore, LMFT
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