It’s Simple… Don’t – 3 Ways to Keep It Simple

It’s a new year. Out with the old and in with the new. One resolution I will explore in the first blog of 2023 is about how to simplify our lives. I’m not talking about blueprints or building a better mousetrap with plans for better efficiency. I am talking about simplifying the way you think and simplifying your life. Making things less complicated may be the cure to many of our overwhelming, stress-inducing, and worrisome issues. Simplifying things can take the complex and make it a more practical and approachable plan. 

Though, simplification seems too simple, right?

Over the weekend as we all prepared to end one year and begin a new one, something very simple I’d never considered before dawned on me. I happen to be related to several people who have food allergies. I don’t mean mild food allergies where they get an obnoxious, itchy rash, or some runny nose. I mean the kind of food allergies that can be life threatening and, unfortunately, has proven to be for one of my very close cousins. 

What came to me, as unexpectedly as a butterfly fluttering near my face on a summer day, was the realization that we honor our food allergies with the utmost reverence. If we are allergic to peanuts, we let everyone know we are allergic to peanuts. We put it on a little sticker as a warning inside our children’s lunchboxes. We avoid them at all costs. We will not eat them knowingly for any reason, because we know that the outcome can be uncomfortable as a minimum and catastrophic as a worst-case scenario. 

However, do we honor our mental allergies with the same respect?

We would avoid poison ivy because we know it will give us an itchy rash.

All of us have had moments where we know we’re approaching that place that makes us experience emotional anaphylaxis, uncomfortable irritation, or maybe even have trouble breathing. Instead of deciding to stay 6 feet apart from the emotional trigger, some would instead take it as a personal challenge to go in and not let this thing – this thing that causes stress and discomfort – to defeat us. Instead of avoiding certain triggers, like we would avoid poison ivy because we know it will give us an itchy rash, we disregard our mental reaction to this irritant. We make the decision to press forward as if this makes us some kind of careless conqueror. 

In my clinical observations one should do just the opposite. When you know that someplace or someone is going to give you an adverse reaction, it is often better to not go to that place or to not talk to those people. I know what you’re thinking. If you live with these people, or work with these people, or even carpool with these people, it may seem as if you have no other choice, but to deal with the consequences.

If you’re in a situation where you’re breaking out into mental hives from exposure to people, places, and things that cause you to need an Emotional EpiPen, here are three steps to assist you in preventing catastrophic consequences: 

1. Make a Plan of Action: Make a plan to avoid direct contact with these emotional allergens. Ask who’s going to be there. Ask where it’s being hosted. Ask for the start and stop time of the scheduled event. If the situation doesn’t fit and exposes too many irritants, you just might…itch. 
2. Inject the Antidote: If you come in contact with these emotional allergens, do your best to gain access to the remedy as soon as possible. This antidote might be immediately calling a good friend for a positive word, reciting affirmations, journaling, or speaking with your therapist. Anything that reminds you that this thing, though it may have affected you briefly, doesn’t have to take over your entire life.  
3. Find a Substitute: Once you’ve come in contact with this thing and done your best to take care of the reaction, make a plan to find a substitute for that thing so that you no longer have to come in contact with it again. If you have people, places and things that make you feel emotionally itchy all over, it is time to make a plan. Time to submit new resumes to get a new job. Time to have a hard conversation about a relationship that is making you ill. 

Using self-control and discipline goes a long way. Don’t eat the peanut butter crackers if you know that the end result is going to be you feeling bad about the hives all over your face. It can be very difficult to avoid all the things that may harm us, but it’s simple to remember that once you know what triggers your emotional and mental stress that you can never unknow. More than that, once you know, the desire to be aware can save your life. 

If you or someone you know is looking for a way to avoid harmful people, places, and things please contact us at tanyikamoorehealingarts.com for more resources and information.

By: Tanyika “Tann” Moore, LMFT