“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Wise words spoken by the late, great Maya Angelou. This quote has been posted on IG, has been spoken about in social circles, and I most recently heard the reference in the highly anticipated movie, Creed III. What I’ve noticed, like many original recipes, is that this quote is often watered down or truncated to simply read, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” That changes the statement a great deal. In my opinion, the partial statement has far less impact than Maya Angelou’s uncut sentiment.
To make an assessment the first time most likely feels wrong to most people. We tend to have thoughts such as: maybe they were just having an off day. Maybe they really meant something else. Maybe I wasn’t clear about what I wanted or needed. Well, maybe they just showed you who they are, and you’ve decided to stand in the middle of some metaphorical dessert and rationalize why the rain will eventually come, instead.
Stressful situations can exacerbate social interactions, but perhaps you should take a moment and really open your mind to what Ms. Angelou has said. It’s not as much what a person says or what they do as much as it is how they show up. We’ve all seen someone get frustrated with someone they love. They may sigh heavily, roll and close their eyes, and even walk away angrily to avoid further hurt feelings and maintain an overall sense of respect. However, we’ve also seen an aggressive person who lacks self-control, yells relentlessly, interjects perpetually, and can even resort to humiliation in the form of condescending context or physical violence. In both cases you can see who a person is and believe them the first time.
To make an assessment the first time most likely feels wrong to most people.
Once you believe what you see the first time it is beneficial to:
- Stop! Your first inclination may be to make an excuse for whomever you’ve just witnessed express their true personality and underlying core beliefs in that very moment. Instead of explaining it away, become a curious observer. See how often their actions confirm who they are.
- Drop! Like a Chris Rock mic drop at the end of a set, release any ideas you may generate around this expressed behavior as being your fault. It’s not you that triggered that inappropriately angry response. It’s simply you that happened to be the catalytic key to unlock what was waiting to be revealed in them all along.
- Roll! As in roll out. Once you make allowances for inappropriate behavior this person will show you their true colors over and over again. Why wouldn’t they if you continue to come back for more? Walk away from that behavior if it is something that makes you feel the opposite of joy, the opposite of peace, or the opposite of good.
If you’re looking for a way to believe what you’ve seen the first, second or twenty-third time please contact us at tanyikamoorehealingarts.com for assistance, counseling, or a referral.
By: Tanyika “Tann” Moore, LMFT
Recent Comments