Have you ever found yourself getting angry because you’ve jumped through several hoops to accommodate someone’s needs and they don’t show any appreciation? Maybe you feel you’ve given far more than you’ve received in return. Contrary to popular opinion, putting your needs and desires last to be considered a good person is not an example of you being good to you. Putting yourself on the back burner teaches others to put you on the back burner. This may be the real reason you’re angry…not because they’ve taken your kindness for granted without appreciation.
Anger is rarely cut and dry. It is often very complex, simmering in a pressure cooker of suppressed emotions and unspoken words. Anger is often easier to release inward for some. In other words, why tell the person who hurt you that they’ve hurt you when you can cloak these feelings in self-deprecating words and ideas? This way you get to avoid the additional anger of others because you finish the job for them. It seems this would help avoid more anger, right?
Wrong.
It is often very complex, simmering in a pressure cooker of suppressed emotions and unspoken words.
I’m not implying anger triggers magically disappear with assertive replies. I am, however, implying if you don’t express your angry feelings, they will be misplaced inward or launched off course in the direction of innocent bystanders. Anger can be the thing that moves you toward imploding, or it can be an opportunity to effectively communicate potentially debilitating thoughts and feelings.
When anger shows up with its red-hot head:
DO: DON’T:
– Name it – Rename it
– Express it – Repress it
– Write it out – Fight it out
If you or someone you know would like help working on how to manage anger, please contact us at tanyikamoorehealingarts.com for more information.
By: Tanyika “Tann” Moore, LMFT
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